27 Oct 2010, 3:55am
raising children
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  • The will of a child

    I’m not an expert.  I’m just a mom with four and a half years of experience.  Ok, if you’re unimpressed, go ahead, click the “x”.  But, if you’re willing to hear me out, we’re in for an opinionated ride together.

    D and I have read books on how to raise children.  They have been goldmines.  I honestly believe that some of the stuff that should just be “common sense” is some of the hardest to come by unless it’s written out for you.  Invaluable material.  From these books, past experiences, the bible and trial and error we have diligently raised our children to the best of our ability.  You know your work is paying off when random strangers come up and compliment not only your family, but your children!  Tears come to my eyes as I think about this.  Our children, as I have written about before, are our heart and soul manifested.  They magnify your idiosyncrasies exposing what you wish no one knew existed behind your “calm”, “gentle”, seemingly “patient”, loving demeanor.  Yes, your kids are the billboard of what you do behind closed doors.  Can someone say, “Jumbo-tron”?    
    Now, the will, what a crucial part of a child’s make up.  It’s either strong or just “there”.  I don’t believe that children have “weak” wills because if they want to do something they WILL.  It’s just that some are little less forceful in their attempts.
    I happen to be the proud mother of two willful children.  They will do what they want within the perimeters of our house rules.  Cylas is a curious type.  He explores, discovers, experiments and is very imaginative.  While he has all of these great qualities, I find him to be needy in certain areas.  Now, Romalise, at this point, is a little mimicker.  It doesn’t mean she isn’t full of it, because she is.  If things don’t go her way, there is much screaming and thrashing about…which results in well, a nice little reminder that such behavior is unacceptable.  So, this is where I start walking this little, thin line of BALANCE.  So finicky, this line.  Too much and you’re “off base” and too little means you’re “missing the mark”.  Ahg!
    Children are so keen.  They know how to push you into giving them what they want.  Once they discover how to “win”, it’s game on.  Good luck getting the ball back in your court.  Shoot.  They may be little, have no experience in the “real world” but they sure know how to strip you of your sanity, self-control, patience, the ability to regulate the tone of your voice…seriously?  Those. little. buggers.  So, I’ve found that in order to combat this…tragedy of parental mental break-down, I must be consistent.  If I say “no”, I stick with it.  It doesn’t matter.  No = No.  Simple!  (hahahah).  Yeeeah, I’m doing ok.  Tested. Tried. Still barely standing.
    A child’s will is tender and ready to be formed…just so.  The experiences your babies have with your direction/correction in their lives will ultimately form their opinion of authority in general.  Wow.  That should make us all pause and think.  What am I doing, right now, to introduce my child/ren to this inescapable part of reality?  Adults, too, manifest their childhood encounter with “authority”.  Sometimes it’s appalling, sometimes it’s a crying shame, sometimes it’s hurtful…to see how they treat the authority in their adult lives.  Tsk, tsk… (now, I warned you all that this was going to be opinionated).  Hope you all are still with me…hang in there, just about done with this soapbox.
    There is so much to write, but I will save it for another post.  For now, I leave you with this:
    We, as parents, are their first taste of authority and structure.  Let’s make it a great one…correct your babies in love, not in anger.  Take a moment to stop, think about what you’re about to do, if you have to, leave the room…it works.  Stuff like that doesn’t go without paying you back ten-fold and in spades.
    27 Oct 2010, 12:13pm
    by Jana Floyd

    reply

    I am experiencing this for the first time. Of course, I would have a strong willed child as I have always been strong willed, stubborn, inquisitive, curious, and a reasoning individual. I could use a list of books…. :D

     

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