3 Oct 2011, 12:36pm
Chronicles Of A Stay At Home Mom:
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  • Chronicles: Facing the music

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    This is going to be a bit lengthy.  Bear with me to the end…if you dare, because my opinion, as usual, is glaring and poignant.

    The other day Cylas came home from school and didn’t kick the door.  The first sign something was wrong.

    He didn’t greet his papa or myself.  Second sign something was amiss.

    He didn’t say but two words and only spoke when spoken to. The BIGGEST sign of all that something was quite wrong.

    I followed him into his room and spoke to him softly, hoping he would let me know what was going on.  He crawled in my lap and started crying.  “Momma, I don’t wanna go back to school.”  Huh oh.

    “I don’t want to talk about it.  I don’t want to talk about it.”  At this point, my mind is skipping through a myriad of situations and hoping that it was one of the less serious ones…like, he did something wrong and doesn’t want to get in trouble.
    Bingo.

    He finally told me why.  He said that he was on the bus fighting with a kid about fighting.  *this part is a bit of mystery to me, but I’ll take it*  Finally, things got so heated that Cylas decided to crawl UNDER the seat, reach up the kid’s leg and scratch him!!?  Insanity.  Of course, Cylas is gulping and crying and just feeling so miserable because he knows what he did was wrong, and I’m over here imagining my child squirming around on a nasty bus floor scratching people’s legs like a rabid squirrel.  Get a hold of yourself, child!  Pretty much all I could do to not laugh.  I succeeded.  The truth came out and we discussed his actions.

    The next hour he moped around the house, crying and saying he didn’t want to go to school he didn’t want to be “the worst trouble kid in the whole world”.  Oh, my poor son.  I think he gave himself a beating, I didn’t have to do a thing.  D and I encouraged him to realize that going back to school was a must, and if he got into trouble he needed to admit, apologize and never do it again.

    “It’s called taking responsibility,” I said.  I’d already gotten a call from his teacher about Cy’s behavior.  She wasn’t too concerned, but she wanted me to be aware.  There were a couple instances where he pushed and scratched.  “But,” she said, “he is very good at taking responsibility for what he did.  Some kids do not.”  Good.  D and I are doing a good job so far.

    It made me think, though, about adults.  Wow.  And here is where you’re either going to NEVER read my blog again, or you’ll recognize people you know, or worse, yourself in what I’m about to write.
    *Here is where my opinion is about leap off the page, be forewarned.*

    Life throws us into a myriad of situations, some we like and others, well, best left forgotten.  But in each of those situations there is an unspoken rule: learn what you can, take into yourself the lesson presented so this path will never have to be crossed again.

    Part of following that “unspoken” rule is directly linked to two words — taking responsibility.

    I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older, or because the people in my life, now, are different, but I have found myself in the middle of particular situations that have tested me to the brink.  It’s been beautiful and hard all at the same time.  Beautiful, because I’ve seen what I’m made of…and hard, because I’ve seen what I’m made of.  Reality hurts in the most visceral of ways.

    Unfortunately these same situations have shown me what other people are made of.  Scary stuff.  Denial is a disease.  I firmly believe that.  It’s also a culture that some families develop to help them cope with members in their family who hurt, abuse, or misuse the family bond.  Then, there are the people who hurt others and deny their actions.  Or, they use the age old sluff off , “well, that’s just your opinion”.  What a cop out!  Seriously?  You’re excusing your bad behavior, misconduct, rude ways, or nasty thoughts and actions with telling me that it’s simply “my opinion” of the situation??  Hah.  Life is cruel in more ways than one, not only does that excuse not cover their actions, it simply shows the harsh truth — they. are. ignorant.
    Sorry, if this post is a little strong, but somehow, I feel it’s time to speak my mind on this.  I have been silent for mistreatment and taken the beatings of cruel words and malintent.  And then, for all intents and purposes been told it was my fault.  Hmm, not saying that I’m blameless at all, but seriously…

    It’s time to take responsibility.  It’s time to take a look inside and pull from a place so deep to say, “yes, it hurts, it’s scary, but I need to own my actions and make these situations right.”
    So, my dear, sweet, Cylas, even though you’re scared and would rather not get into trouble, mama is encouraging you to stand strong and admit what you did was wrong.  Life will be so much easier, if you do.

    3 Oct 2011, 12:43pm
    by Robin Redman

    reply

    Good for you Misha. Stand strong young lady. Now is the time to be firmly planted.

    Ah, big hugs to Cylas for his tender heart. If only conviction would hit us that hard when we’ve been the “worst trouble adult in the whole world.”

    Great post Mish. Taking responsibility for your actions, is one of the harder things to do, especially when you are young. Cylas’s reaction is a sign of maturity,he knows that he’s actions have consequences. David and you are amazing parents, I’m taking notes :)

    3 Oct 2011, 5:26pm
    by Carissa Jackson

    reply

    If this isn’t the truth… I don’t know what is! Maybe this post hit a little too close to my home cuz it brought a lump in my throat. How I long for the day where people take responsibility. Something tells me I would keep waiting. No thank you to DENIAL! Ha.

    Love you Misha.

     

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