6 Dec 2011, 9:10am
Chronicles Of A Stay At Home Mom cylas raising children romalise:
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  • Chronicles: An a-parent directive

    **Warning, I will be talking about parenting and my opinions on how to raise our children**

    D and I have been discussing our parenting methods and have decided we’re going to be making a few changes.  That’s what I love about my husband, he and I see things so much alike and we were both feeling that our parenting needed a little tweaking.  So, here were are, again, young parents stuck in the world of “how do I raise my children to be good, responsible citizens?”  Our son is the one who brought our need for a change to our attention.  Lately, he’s been irritable and getting frustrated easily.  Dealing with a frustrated 5 year old can be quite the task.  I, for one, get borderline nutso when trying to deal with it.  I shouldn’t be though.  And with the new perspective D and I have taken, I foresee a much easier time in the future.

    Up until this point, the main method I’ve used to “teach” Cylas has been more of a directive type of relationship.  “Cy, don’t do that!”, “Stop, you’re going to hurt Roma!”, “Please, don’t.”, “What are you doing??”  I was sitting in the director’s chair barking orders.  Don’t get me wrong, I would take the time to sit and talk with him to explain *why* he should or should not being doing certain things, but it wasn’t enough.

    It occurred to me that if I’m constantly giving orders, when is my little boy ever going to think for himself?  Now, I know that he needs to be guided by me, he needs me (and D) to tell him to stop or to *not* do something, but there must be a balance.  And here is our answer to that much needed balance…

    Instead of constantly throwing out orders or commands, I’m going to ask him to tell me what he should be doing.  For instance, at church, my son can get riled up.  It’s like, a never fail situation and it drives me bonkers.  I am constantly telling him to “sit down”, “be quiet” or “stop torturing Roma”, but I’m going to incorporate questions from now on.
    “Cylas, how are you supposed to act in church?”  — wait for him to answer me
    “Are you doing that?” — wait for an answer
    “Ok, please, remember how you are supposed to act in church, and sit quietly.”

    8 times out of 10 he will probably bounce right back to being a rascal, but I’ve started something in his mind, an active thought process.  I got HIM to identify how he was to be acting and what he was supposed to be doing.  Then, I followed it up with a confirmation reminder, “…sit quietly”.  So, now, we’re on the same page, he has acknowledged the rules of our house for church and it’s up to him to make the right choice.  He can choose to follow, or not.

    We shall see where this takes us.  I’m already seeing good results.  He is less frustrated and I enjoy hearing him tell me what the “right thing to do” is.

    6 Dec 2011, 11:24am
    by Carissa Jackson

    reply

    Love this post!!! Parenting is a “work in progress” job. I think it’s wonderful how you and D evaluate yourselves and make changes when necessary. Ultimately, THAT example is what Cylas will take with him as grows/matures into a young adult.

    6 Dec 2011, 11:33am
    by Mommy Hobbies

    reply

    Thanks, Kissa.

    Honestly, it’s like I’m realizing that what worked last year with Cy just isn’t going to cut it this year, his needs are changing and so therefore I, too, need to change and adjust how I approach him (well, both me and D). It’s liberating, actually.

     

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