4 Jan 2012, 4:51pm
Chronicles Of A Stay At Home Mom life:
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  • Chronicles: Mitigating

    I’m a pro.  Literally.  That’s my middle name.

    Misha The Mitigator Kelba

    I’m one of those types of people who loves to avoid conflict.  Some people thrive, that’s how they live.  Pretty sure we each have someone like that in our social sphere.

    Me and conflict go way back.  We have a hate/hate relationship and I’m good with that.  I’m not looking for any type of middle ground with it either.  When I was around 19, I started learning how to mitigate in order to avoid conflicting situations, or to communicate with a difficult person, or to contribute to a situation where everyone was my, mental or otherwise, superior.  In most conversations, I felt myself to be inferior and so I spoke as one.

    If there was a way I could hint my idea into existence instead of just stating it plainly, I would do it.  Growing up I dealt with a lot of difficult people.  On the occasions we spoke, it would usually end in an all out yelling match then me in a puddle of tears hating, hating, hating, wishing there was some way to effectively communicate without lighting a stick of dynamite with every word I spoke.  Pretty sure it was after years and years of that frustration that I started choosing different words to communicate my point of view in sensitive situations.

    Mitigating is good and bad all in the same breath. While it’s good for diplomacy it’s bad when real communication needs to happen due to the severity of the situation.  No *hinting* allowed.  Basically, that’s what mitigating is, it’s making the words you choose less severe in order to not offend or cross any social boundaries.  Yep, that’s me.  And shoot me in the foot, because how I wish I had opened my mouth and said it, what ever “it” was, plain instead of pussyfooting it around.

    And yes, there is wisdom in discretion, something I tell myself all the time.  Not everything that flows through my head needs to find its way out of my mouth.  I’ve had plenty of those moments too.  Embarrassing, mortifying, I’ll-never-forgive-myself, oh God, where is a hole? …  Yeah, all that.

    But I was reading this incredible book and the author was explaining the differences between a low power distance culture and a high power distance culture.  Americans live in a low power distance culture, when push comes to shove, with their superior, they will make their opinion heard.  I, however, had created a high distance culture for myself.  I was never comfortable stating my opinion and I always viewed myself to be inferior to others.  Not sure why, but it’s the truth.  Even with my best friend and her family, I could barely bring myself to ask for a drink of water or to tell them I was so hungry I could eat a horse.  Weird, backward little girl I was :)

    So, there are plainly two sides to me.  The mitigating side, which I will never lose, it’s part of my charm, and the bottom line side.  That side of me can be offensive, and I don’t pull it out very often.  The people who get the “bottom line” treatment are my family members or people who act like idiots and I don’t care what they think.  (shoot, I’m vicious) When I give the “bottom line” (when the situation calls for it) to my family, it’s in love and I can’t mince words for time in our lives is short.  And the people who act like idiots, well, they get it because they’re trying attack me or my family and for that I have NO patience.

    Do you mitigate, too?  Or, are you all bottom line?

    I just love life.  This chapter in mine is interesting, to say the least.

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