28 Feb 2012, 9:07am
Chronicles Of A Stay At Home Mom:
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  • Chronicles: Mother Judging

    Every mother does it, right?  You go to a play group, or you’re in the nursery at church, you’re running errands at the store and you see a misbehaving child.

    What a little brat

    Sometimes watching a meltdown in action is like watching a train wreck, you just can’t stop.

    kicking, screaming, back arching

    How many times I’ve seen these instances of children acting out and then how many times I’ve been the one with the *horrible* child…well, we’ll never know.  I lost count and I hoped to minimize the chances of that ever happening to me in public.  It’s such a hard space to be in!

    hitting, biting, scratching

    It’s so easy to frown on a misbehaved child and then give their mom or dad the evil eye.  I’m guilty.  I am also guilty of shutting children up by staring, making them very uncomfortable as they act out against their parents quite disrespectfully.  Children know (once they reach a certain age), and they use their public displays of disagreeable behavior to put papa or mama in a tough position.  I can say that baby R has started to throw herself on the ground, and God help me if this were to ever happen in public.  It’s bad enough my child tells people they are old and going to “die”.  I most certainly do not need a foul behavior to mortify me even more.
    I tend to lose my patience.

    sticking out their tongue, spitting, throwing things

    Even though there are some children who are clearly the boss in their family, even at the tender age of two, it’s not my problem.  I can’t change them and I most certainly can’t change their parents parenting.  I have my own little hellions to deal with.

    Currently, my biggest problem, with them both, is in church.  They are really hard to control and I refuse to run in and out trying to cajole them into obedience.  Lately, baby R has been insisting that I hold her in church.  Uhg!  So, I compromised, during worship she can stand on the chair and hug me so I can have my hands free, but feel like I’m holding her.  Cy’s big thing is wanting to play with papa’s phone during church.  That really bothers me.  *sigh*

    And as easy going as I try to be, truth be told, people correcting my child for me bothers me.  I won’t say anything, and if they have a legitimate concern, I go along with it, but I get annoyed.  I’m annoyed with myself because it makes me feel like I’ve failed my child somehow and my child shouldn’t ever have to have someone other than D or I calling them out.  (that’s just me being unreasonable, thinking my child wouldn’t ever act out in public or be reprimanded by another adult)

    Oh, my fellow mother judgers don’t judge me too harshly, we’re all on different paths with different, curious brats :)

    Misha, you aren’t alone! Though mine are a different stages now, we have other behaviors we deal with. But I’ve experienced the tantrums. Very embarrassing! It is worse when they are older. You’re wise to deal with it now.
    I am so with you on other people correcting my kids. I used to be quiet and let it slide. But if I feel they are out of line, I say something. Not in front of my children, unless the person is being unkind. But I told a relative on my husband’s side, very kindly, “you’ve had your opportunity to raise your children, this is mine. I respect your opinion, respect my decisions concerning my children.” Since then, she has never crossed that line. She loves them and if she has concerns, she kindly addresses them to me privately.

    28 Feb 2012, 6:14pm
    by Carissa Jackson

    reply

    Misha- Like I stated in my last comment on your fb post, you and D are the only ones who know how to properly raise your children. And from an outside perspective, you guys are fantastic! I know it’s a challenging job but I truly look up to your motherly ways. I take your posts to heart and hope someday to reference back. Maybe even learn a little! ;) Keep sharing… Love you and your little family <3

    28 Feb 2012, 8:27pm
    by Mommy Hobbies

    reply

    thank you both for your input. It truly is challenging but I’m doing my best, for sure.

    Ahhh, church with the little ones. It can be very difficult and discouraging. I have tried a few new things…bringing small instruments for them to play during praise and worship, then leave for a snack, they are usually fine for the choir. BUT then comes the quietest and most stressful/ most IMPORTANT part of the service the preaching.

    I have bible based kids books, stickers, I even got some of that Crayola paper that you need special markers for (I cut it up smaller because it’s expensive)and small clip boards. They can draw and I don’t have to worry about them ruining the pews or their clothes. When that doesn’t do the trick my husband or I have to take them out of the service for a little while. It can be a little discouraging to put so much work into getting to church but not being IN church, so taking them out is a last resort.

     

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