28 Mar 2012, 8:49am
Chronicles Of A Stay At Home Mom:
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  • Chronicles: It’s not you, it’s them

    Ok, so, not in every case, but, I’ve found that in a lot of situations, the ones where I took something SO personally, I shouldn’t have, because it wasn’t me that was causing them to be so, what, rude, nasty, cold, harsh, critical, judgmental…on and on.  It bothers me when people are rude without provocation.  I take rudeness VERY personally.  Well, I used to until my husband showed me how ridiculous I was being and convinced me otherwise (thank you, thank you, thank you).  It’s an art, really, learning how to be objective instead of subjective and not allowing the situation to take over your mind and mood.  I’m getting better at standing back and assessing instead of letting it consume me and I’m so overwhelmed that I can’t see the forest for the trees.

    Most recently, my challenge was coming from a professional setting.  The owner of a particular business in town was rude to me, on more than one occasion.  They refused to look at me while they spoke to me, ignored me if I said hello, spoke harshly if and when they decided to speak to me, once they even pushed past me in a doorway almost knocking me over.  I was SO irritated.  Seriously.  This person and I had never spoken on a personal level, we had never exchanged more than a superficial discourse.  What was their problem!?  I had to come to terms.  It wasn’t me.  It was them.  And, yet, it WAS me…not them.
    What?  No, I’m not contradicting myself, let me explain…

    As a woman, I come by it naturally to be sensitive.  It’s inherent.  Why, God, whyyyy??  Being sensitive is SO annoying, it can be debilitating, paralyzing, tortuous, you name it.  And in the same breath, it can be life changing, I’ve been able to reach out to people because I was sensitive enough to feel their pain and see it in their eyes although they were smiling and carrying on as if life were easy like a Monday morning :)

    So here is where I was to blame.  My sensitivity got the better of me.  *doh*  Yeah.  In spite of their problems, and how they contributed, I’m to blame for letting it go in, settle, wreak havoc, pummel my emotions to a pulp and leave, all because I decided that I had done something to make them treat me that way.  (a mouth full, but how else to phrase it?)  Bottom line: I blamed myself for their rudeness.

    But that’s wrong!!  That’s SO wrong.  And, I refuse to do that anymore.  I refuse to let someone’s suspicions, critical eye, snarky comments, twisted perceptions be MY fault, anymore.  Never again.  You can’t make anyone love or like you, and putting yourself through hoops to make that happen isn’t worth the sanity you lose, honestly.

    The rivers I’ve cried after taking things to heart, the sleep I’ve lost…oh, lord, the sleep I’ve lost.  No more. My corny little mantra has kept me on track, “Don’t take it into your heart, see it for what it is.  It’s their behavioral issue, not yours.”  And the only way I can keep things at bay, is to keep my sensitivity level in check.

    Is yours in check, or does it torture you as much as mine used to and still TRIES?

    1 Corinthians 15:33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

    I feel the same. I hate being so sensitive and it drives me crazy. Good words to think about! Xoxo

    *Slowly raises hand*
    This is totally me. AND I hate it. Why would I blame myself when it’s the other person that is obviously having a bad day/week or otherwise?! It’s ANNOYING. What’s worse is that in some cases – I’ll try to explain myself, so the other person will know where I’m coming from (I didn’t mean this, I meant that). That usually makes it worse for me. Either they don’t care, or I don’t explain myself very well; or I just completely botch the whole thing up and I feel worse than if I had left it alone.
    There is a specific person that is really very rude to me, for no reason. I have done nothing personally to this person to cause such anger, contemt or malice towards me…and yet I feel as though it’s my fault. (I know that it isn’t – and that I can’t make this person like me.) But why don’t they?! I didn’t do anything! UGH.
    ok – well, at least you know you’re not alone.

    Oh this is good! I’ve been coming to this same conclusion and it is freeing. So often I take to heart someone else’s bad mood or bad behavior and spend way too much time trying to make people like me. Or worrying about what is wrong with me that would cause them to be so rude to me. What a waste of time and energy. I just have to do the best I can, keep my heart right and refuse to take on anyone else’s rudeness as a reflection of myself. I love this post. Thank you.

     

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