4 Apr 2012, 9:29am
cylas Of Food and Love romalise:
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  • Of Food And Love: I’m in love

    My children irritate me.
    They annoy me.
    They know how to tie my brain in knots.


    But then, they sweep me off my feet and I just get so overwhelmed by my love for them.  I forget how messy they can be, how loud they are, how irritating they get…it all fades away.  Truthfully, this is how I feel.

    Over the past couple of weeks I’ve done something new, taken my kids out on dates.  It’s not like I haven’t gone out with them before, but this time, I set aside a time to take them somewhere special.

    We like going to a little cafe in town where they serve the best chicken pitas and killer Mac-n-cheese.  We sit and talk, make silly faces, take pictures, giggle, tell jokes and I let my kids jump around a bit.  I’m a little unorthodox like that.  If the place is empty, shoot, let them have a little fun (within reason).  I always bring paper, color crayons, notebooks, pencils, and a few toys.  While my kids play and interact, I stare at them.  I still don’t believe I’m a mother.

    Motherhood didn’t come to me naturally.  It was very, very hard.  For the first year and a half of my son’s life, I felt completely disconnected and very un-motherly.  It’s not that I didn’t love my son, I just didn’t connect with the idea of me being his mother.  Does that make sense?  I hated myself, in a way.  So many other moms were swooning over their children, while I was trying come to terms with the fact I had given birth!

    After I had baby R, I thought for sure I would just roll right into the mommy thing, guns blazing.  Nope.  Once again, I had trouble connecting.  Like I said, being mommy didn’t come natural.  I had to grow into it.  I still am!  I struggle with feeling a little less mom-worthy than others.  Sometimes, I envy how naturally other women fall into their mommy role.  I’m one stubborn little donkey.

    But, I must confess, now that my son can articulate his thoughts, and my little girl is becoming more vocal, being a mother is so much more fun.  The conversations I have with my babies are wonderful, heartwarming, precious.  I’m working on developing a trusting relationship with my children.  At this point, Cylas is the most receptive.  I want to be his number one confidant.  If I start sharing stories about my experiences with him trusting me, I’ll get off track, so, I’ll save it for another post.

    But, for now, I’m so in love with my children.  I’m sold out to being their mother with every fiber in my being.

    My beautiful children.

    5 Apr 2012, 3:57pm
    by Carissa Jackson

    reply

    And here I thought the Mommy role came SO easily for you…. You make it look effortless. Your domestic side truly shines :)

    I know I can’t wait to become a mom and I hope the role comes easy for me. But the truth of the matter, you never know what it’s going to be like until you are actually there and in that moment.

    You’re a beautiful mommy… no matter how you feel about ir/what you think about it! <3

     

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