Chronicles Of A Stay At Home Mom: guilt and shame
by Mommy Hobbies
In my napsack stash
Another pointed, opinionated piece. You’ve been warned. Avert your eyes if you dislike my forward ways.
And no, I’m not talking about Jane Austen’s book (although, it is a good read).
It’s what we all do when someone doesn’t quite see things our way, we kick into *persuasion* mode. And if persuasion isn’t working, there is guilt. I’ve done it. I can’t think of any instance in particular, but I know I’ve done it. Sometimes, it works and sometimes it doesn’t.
Then, there is shame. If guilt doesn’t work, why not shame them? That’s always effective, right?
What? How did we learn to use emotions to dictate results? We want *this* so we’re going to guilt or shame someone into giving it to us, or changing their own beliefs or moral code of ethics. This isn’t restricted to our mental state, it’s also, very, very applicable to our physical state as well.
A lot of people use guilt to make someone feel as though they’ve done something wrong. I’m here to say that the feeling of guilt should only come if you HAVE DONE SOMETHING WRONG! You should never, EVER feel guilty because you don’t give into the power play, or you don’t open your home to someone who enjoys causing problems, or you make a move for your family…that is in the best interest for your family. It’s not to say that there isn’t proper protocol for these actions, but be aware there is nothing wrong with watching out for yourself! Gosh!!
And, never, ever use the bible as a way to make someone feel guilty. How completely, un-biblical is that? Don’t quote scripture and preach around naming sins and people without actually *naming* people. It’s stupid. Live your life as a light, not as a battle ax or a battering ram, for goodness’ sakes!
And, oh, the shame. How many have fallen victim to the mean girls who run the school yard, or church yard for that matter, making snarky, nasty comments about someone’s/your weight? Making someone feel shameful about the way the look, physically, or the way they dress, is never appropriate. Do you know how many people I grew up with who suffered from SEVERE insecurity issues because of the upper echelon in the church girl circle? I’m sure some of them even suffered from eating disorders. Seriously? Who corrupted you?
I could go on, and on and on. There are stories I could share of people who have suffered from those who think God made them to *change* people. He didn’t, ok. Let me clue you in really quick. God didn’t create you to use guilt or shame to make me, or anyone else, reconsider our walk. If anything, he created you to be able to empathize with me and my struggles, to reach out, to offer help, to call me when I’m at my lowest point, to encourage me to never.ever.give up.
That’s why the bible calls us brothers and sisters. Because in the end, you’d stand up to that bully if he were attacking someone who had the same blood running through their veins as you.
I implore you, reconsider your approach. You may mean well, but you’re killing people along the way and ruining friendships.
**Spoken from someone who has survived the beating stick of guilt and shame more than once**