5 Nov 2012, 9:59am
running:
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  • Running: Journey to the center of my heart

    This past Sunday I was set to run the race of my life.

    Friday, we packed up and headed off to New York.  My body was so ready.  My mind had run the race a thousand times and I knew it was going to be a piece of cake.

    Unfortunately, earlier in the week a hurricane had ripped through New York city devastating areas, leaving people without electricity, water, food, homes, taking lives and shutting down a huge portion of the city’s transportation.  Hurricane Sandy they called her.  But in New York fashion, the mayor stated that in spite of the circumstances the marathon would indeed proceed.

    We arrived at 4pm, changed clothing, caught an express bus into the city and made our way up town to meet with some of my team members for a Team World Vision dinner.  By the time we exited the subway, a text came through asking if we knew that the marathon had been cancelled.  Shocked.  My heart plummeted.  Total disbelief.  I was hoping it was going to be a hoax or something.  Not so.

    We met up with some of my team for the dinner.  We enjoyed a tasty pasta dinner.  The mood was somber yet comforting.  We were all there trying to accept the change in events, trying to focus on the positive.  Our team leader, Juan, and his sweet wife Rachel, had words of encouragement for us and kept the atmosphere light.  It was nice meeting people from around the globe, listening to sponsorship stories and feeling a sense of unity throughout the evening.  Runners truly do stick together.

    A handful of the Team World Vision runners who were at the dinner

    But, by the end of the evening my eyes wanted to burst with tears.  When I first heard the news I was in shock and didn’t really connect with the reality, and then slowly my mind started shouting, “WHAT? Omg, I worked so hard.  What about the people who sponsored me? Oh my goodness, why am I thinking this way? So many people are suffering right now, right outside…”  I felt guilty and so selfish for wanting to run this race.  I was angry and disappointed.  My heart was breaking for those who lost their lives during the hurricane, their homes, family members.  It was too much.  I was so overwhelmed.  Somehow, I managed to keep it all in until the next day when I was sitting on the bus making my way back into the city.  I couldn’t help it and started sobbing, quietly.  Who knows what the lady next to me was thinking.  Whatever, I needed a *moment* to release my emotions.  My head pounded, “All those people who believed in you, who sponsored children so you could run, who sent notes of encouragement, you’re letting them down.  You’re letting them all down. My mom, my dad, the money they’ve put into this to help you.  You’re not doing the work you said you’d do.”  Oh, I cried so hard and deep on that bus ride.
    Then I hated running.  I hated all of the miles, sweat, time and energy I had put into running.  “What a complete waste,” was all I could think.  I’ve run two years of hardcore committed running, plus the 18 weeks of training for this marathon.  Irritating.  I couldn’t bear the thought of lacing up my shoes.  Horrible thoughts were in my mind.  I felt like I betrayed myself this past weekend.

    Signs like these were all over the expo when I went to pick up my race packet…Runners giving back.

    But now that a couple days have gone by and I’m not as emotional, I’ve managed to refocus and set myself on a new course.
    “Runners are persistent,” my husband likes to say.  He’s not kidding.  Because, as quickly as the news came out that the race was cancelled, runners were scrambling to find races in the area, myself included.
    So, yeah, I may be have been knocked down, but I’m not out yet.

    On our way back from the Team World Vision dinner. NYC cab ride…

    I, and a lot of other displaced runners, will be running a marathon this weekend in Richmond Virginia.  So, while I may not be running the race of my life down the streets of New York City, but I will be running the race of my life through the streets of Richmond, VA wearing my Team World Vision shirt, running for those less fortunate, running in honor of the victims of Hurricane Sandy and running to realize a dream this mother runner has had for quite some time.

    I run this race for you.

    *As I finish this post, I can’t help but cry.  Life is not ever going to be a sure thing.  What is REALLY important?*

    Misha, my heart broke for you when I read the marathon was canceled. You didn’t let anyone down by not running, the decision was taken out of your hands. You did all the work – you trained and trained and trained.

    I was hoping you’d find another marathon to run – you’re ready and you’re going to do great! You’ll probably be finished by the time I start running mine (we start at 7:30 PST) but I’ll be thinking of you! November 10th is going to be a great day to run a marathon!!

    5 Nov 2012, 11:13am
    by Mommy Hobbies

    reply

    Good luck with your marathon! You’ll be amazing. We’ll be running together in spirit. We are sole sisters!
    And, I still struggle with feelings of letting people down. I will try to move forward though. Thank you so much for your support! You’re always right there for me :)

    Just wanted to make you aware of a cool relief effort for Sandy victims. Don’t know if you’ve ever heard of Strava – it’s similar to Daily Mile, with more emphasis on cycling but also for runners. They regularly have “challenges” that people can sign up for. The Marathon for Sandy Relief is for this week only. If you sign up for a free account, you can sign up for the challenge. All you do is upload your Garmin data to your account after you run your marathon and $10 is donated to the Red Cross. They are doing this up to $10,000.

    http://app.strava.com/challenges/marathon-for-sandy-relief-challenge

    We love you Misha. We have been through disappointments too, you are right …… Life is not ever going to be a sure thing, but through our disappointments strength comes!!!! Future disappointments are going to come also but you will come through stronger once again.

    5 Nov 2012, 11:14am
    by Mommy Hobbies

    reply

    *hugs* I just love your love for me. You have really been a wonderful pillar in my life these past couple of years…

    Great post. Very honest. Love you. Rock it this weekend.

    7 Nov 2012, 7:14pm
    by Cynthia M

    reply

    Good luck this weekend! You are still an inspiration to me every day. Keep up the hard work and commitment you’ve made to running.

    GO Misha!!!! Have a great marathon tomorrow. I’ll be thinking about you. You’re going to do great!!

    Misha you are an INSPIRATION! tis all

     
     
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