27 Jan 2014, 1:13pm
Chronicles Of A Stay At Home Mom life

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  • Chronicles: How to effectively disable yourself

    I don’t ever want to forget this year –2014.  This has been the year of amazing, amazing accomplishments for me.  Yes, it’s only January and I’m acting like this is an end-of-the-year post, but the time frame for my accomplishments isn’t contingent on a calendar year, but a life year.

    At the end of 2012 I got a hankering, BIG time, to go back to school.  I started looking up different fields of interest, and nothing ever settled right with me.  I love travelling, fitness, photography, writing, educating others on food, sharing my love and support with those who need encouragement, learning languages…really, the list could go on.  But I knew that any one of those professions wouldn’t bring me or my family stability, if, let’s say something happened to my husband.  I have a lot of reasoning behind that last statement, but it would take too long to explain, so, let’s move on.

    When January 2013 rolled around, I had made my decision to just go back to school.  I paid $250 to take a test and secure my place in a local school here.  It was a gamble.  Out of all of the passions in my life, I settled on something that I had absolutely NO background in — the medical field.  It had people, people in need, a need for a support system, people who needed to be introduced to different lifestyles of living…and, it was, at one point a secret love of mine.

    I took the test and waited — without patience — for the results.  They finally came in the mail, and I cried.  I was accepted!!  I was officially in a small town nursing school, starting at the bottom of the rung learning to be an LVN/LPN.  I couldn’t believe it.  This school tests well over 300 people and only accepts 130.  I was in that number.  I had done it again.  I had done something that I NEVER imagined I could.

    A little over six months later, which leads me to this point, I’m in school, part time, and I’m at the top of the class.  Once again, I’m doing something I never imagined I could — getting A’s.  I have always struggled with feeling *stupid* because getting A’s was so hard for me in certain subjects.  But now, I’m in a different space in life, mentally, and it’s just destiny for me to succeed.  It is.  I study very, very hard, six days a week, minimum three hours a day.  Yeah.  I’m pretty sapped by week’s end.  But this is something that I’m SO determined to do that I don’t mind the exhaustion.  I juggle my family responsibilities, cooking, cleaning, shuttling to and from ballet and soccer, teaching yoga and spending down time with them right alongside my academic responsibilities.  Not.easy.  There are days when I’m highly, HIGHLY irritated because I didn’t have enough time to study, my poor family…they scatter whenever I’m on the war path.  hahah.

    But, as for how to disable one’s self, this is pretty easy.  Look at everything you’ve done and tell yourself you didn’t work THAT hard to get there.  Yep.  Guilty.  I look at all of that and I think to myself, “so, what.”  I’m horrible to myself sometimes, and I know why, but it’s too personal to share.  So, I’ll just stick with throwing this idiosyncrasy of mine out there and owning it.  I am guilty of finding EVERY WAY possible to dismantle personal successes.  GOSH!!!  What is wrong with me??  Can’t I just get off my own back?

    I’m working on it.  Bad habits are hard to break.  Whenever I pull out the bully club and wave it menancingly at myself in the mirror, I really, really try hard to stop for a moment, just long enough, to give myself a compliment.  Sometimes, that’s enough to spare myself the beating, and other times, it is just the pause before the storm.  I’m not there yet, almost, but not quite.

    I’ve done SO much with my life and I need to remember that NO ONE else but ME took those steps.  NO ONE else took those tests.  NO ELSE passed those tests.  NO ONE else studied those hours.  NO ONE else, but me.  (with God’s help, but that goes without saying…)

    And so you have it.  Disabled.  Re-abled.  Bully club.  Menacing stare.  Compliment.  Successes.  All of it.Photo on 2013-10-30 at 12.33

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