Chronicles Of A Stay At Home Mom: 2014 dealing with pain growth with age hurt learning nursing pain self-discovery
by Mommy Hobbies
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In my napsack stash
I’m 33 years old.
I’m a late bloomer. Wait, is there an official *late bloomer* age?
Either way, here I am, in school, on my way to earning my RN. I’m at the BOTTOM of the rung, folks. I’m in a school that will give me a certificate saying that I’m an LVN at its completion.
Somewhere along the line, all of the positive affirmations spoken into my life found dead air and nothing ever came of them, in a way. My dad, one of my biggest fans, would constantly tell me I could do *anything*, I could go *anywhere*, I was so *smart and intelligent*. I must have missed the memo. I was always the kid with tons of potential, but nothing to show for it.
That’s all changing now. Over the past five years, I did a lot of retroactive learning (is that even possible?? If it wasn’t, it is now!). Some pretty stupid situations, brought on by adults who acted like children, changed me — forever. I had to plow through all of the hurt and anger in order to keep myself from sinking, completely, to the bottomless pit of misery. Who would have imagined that I would find *the stuff dreams are made of* right in the center of my own soul? It was there all along, buried beneath the doubt and insecurities. In the process of keeping myself from sinking, I happened to find just what I needed all along — my OWN gumption.
I feel like I write about this a lot, but it is something that has taken me YEARS to overcome and discover. The *something* to which I refer encompasses decades and layers of life that developed me into who I am today. When you’re young, you can’t quite pin point what you need to change, you can’t define it, you’re still in a self-searching process. By the time you’re an adult, you’re pretty much set in your own version of life, and there you have it… It takes some pretty heavy situations to break into those walls and crack whatever facade was constructed to hide the parts beneath that were broken, underdeveloped, abused, mis-treated…yeah, all that.
So, this is what happened to me. My facade was cracked, the light shined in and I had to face my unmentionables. I faced them. I’m STILL facing them.