16 Nov 2011, 9:17am
Chronicles Of A Stay At Home Mom:
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  • What’s new

    Top of the list is: Handmade Goodness Giveaways Project! Please be sure to ENTER. Just click the link (when there is one) at the top of the most recent post! This project is in an effort to promote local and independent artists. Crafters, photographers, designers (of all types) -- man, woman or child all are welcome. Each giveaway will feature a different artist with a different talent, please join, if you will! Contact me: mommyhobbies [at] gmail [dot] com
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  • Chronicles: The Feeling Of Togetherness

    The past couple of weeks I’ve had an undercurrent of emotion flowing through my mental body (that would be my brain…).   Knowing that D is just about done with school has a lot to do with it.  We moved back East nearly 4 years ago so my husband could go to school for accounting.  It has not been easy on so many levels and in so many different ways, but next spring will be his LAST semester.

    Our lives have revolved around papa’s study time.  We take what we can and enjoy every second because there isn’t much to go around.  Last night, I took the kids out on an unusually late evening shopping trip.  It was 7pm!  We left while papa stayed and studied.  But before we did, Cy said, “Mama, let’s go, but I don’t want papa to go.”  I asked him why and he said, “Because papa has to do his school stuff, I don’t want him to go so he can do his school stuff.”  Even my little boy knows how important it is for papa to study.

    I can’t even really express the peace I’ve been feeling knowing that we are on the right track.  We came here with a goal in mind and we’re achieving it.  It’s getting easier for me to think straight and organize my life, to feel confident as a mother, to appreciate certain talents I might have.  All of these pieces in my life are starting to come together instead floating around out there waiting for me to “get a grip”.  Life lessons have equipped me to grab these parts of myself and line them up.  Hence, my overwhelming sense of “togetherness”. 

    I truly believe there is nothing worse than a scattered mind.  It was so tiring being a disjointed fragment of what I should/could be.  Glad I’m getting it “together” and developing a solid, confident “grip”.

    9 Nov 2011, 8:36am
    Chronicles Of A Stay At Home Mom:
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  • What’s new

    Top of the list is: Handmade Goodness Giveaways Project! Please be sure to ENTER. Just click the link (when there is one) at the top of the most recent post! This project is in an effort to promote local and independent artists. Crafters, photographers, designers (of all types) -- man, woman or child all are welcome. Each giveaway will feature a different artist with a different talent, please join, if you will! Contact me: mommyhobbies [at] gmail [dot] com
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  • Chronicles: Find That Happy Place

    I know, for sure, it has to exist, somewhere, within each of us lies a space that is bright, sparkly, airy and the grass is really green.  Yesterday was a wonderful day for me, and I cherish those days, the weather was perfect, I went for a run and I accomplished what I had set for myself that day.  There is something about checking off my list that gives me the biggest inner smile.

    For some reason, looking at my day in bite-sized pieces does wonders for my psyche.

    But some days, there is a little dark cloud that sits about my head and dumps rain on everything I set my hand to.  That little space I mentioned earlier?  Yeah. Gone.  The flowers trampled and muddy puddles everywhere.  I find myself fighting with the little black, dumpy cloud and looking for a little respite in the mental storm.
    It’s not always easy.

    But just as easily as that little cloud can circle over my head, full of worries, concerns or grief, I am learning how to push through it to find the tiny sparkles and bright spots to dwell on.

    I was talking to a dear friend yesterday and they were sharing a little of their dark cloud woes with me.   As I listened, something struck me and I asked, abruptly, “what drives you?  what makes you tick?  what do you love?  what do you live for?  Find those things and think on them.”  Yes, re-focusing really helps to remove that ominous cloud from overhead and replace it with a little bit of sunshine.

    For me, my sunshine is made up of my children’s smiles and their little hands touching my face, my husband’s voice and the way he cares for us, my dad’s encouraging words, my sisters’ love for me, my mom’s maternal intuition…that is what I focus on.  The positive.  That’s what my happy place is made up of.  Each petal is a kind word, an encouraging smile from someone who loves me.  Each sparkle is a giggle from my children…

    I have the perfect little happy place…full of love.

    2 Nov 2011, 12:00pm
    Chronicles Of A Stay At Home Mom
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  • What’s new

    Top of the list is: Handmade Goodness Giveaways Project! Please be sure to ENTER. Just click the link (when there is one) at the top of the most recent post! This project is in an effort to promote local and independent artists. Crafters, photographers, designers (of all types) -- man, woman or child all are welcome. Each giveaway will feature a different artist with a different talent, please join, if you will! Contact me: mommyhobbies [at] gmail [dot] com
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  • Chronicles: Give it to God

    Winner of Tata:: Lindsy W.  Thank you all for entering! ::

    How hard is that??  Sometimes when I pray, I have to draw a mental picture in my mind of me holding every one of my problems in my hands, lifting them up to God, then waiting for him to take them from me.  I revisit this mental picture several times throughout my prayers in hopes that I’m “giving it all to God”.
    It’s hard.

    But did I truly “give it to God”?  After my morning prayer and bible reading, I usually feel pretty good about life in general.  I’ve noticed that starting my day with God, balances out any issues or circumstances I might encounter later.  It’s true.
    So, back to this whole dilemma of me, God and “giving” it all to him.  I never really understood it until recently.  Why, after all my prayer and supplication did I still *feel* worried, sad, angry, possibly a little bitter, sick to my stomach or any other myriad of physical manifestations of what was going on in my life…  It didn’t make sense, was my last half hour spent on my knees for nothing?  No.  It wasn’t.  But then again I didn’t keep up with my end of the deal.

    It hit me.  Giving it all to God is simply: detaching your emotions from whatever situation is currently in the top of your omgwhyisthishappeningtome list.  You know, that long list that sits on your fridge and you growl at it in the mornings?  Mmmhmmm.

    Once I detached myself emotionally, it didn’t run rampant in my mind.  I wasn’t watching instant replays, potential instant replays, rehearsing what I would say to…whoever.  Yeah, all that?  Out the door.  Why?  Because I didn’t want to deal with those feelings or thoughts.  That is all God’s territory.  I’ll give him all my problems and save my emotions, feelings and thoughts for my husband and children.  No need to waste them pointlessly.

    I haven’t mastered the detachment process completely, but boy has it sure helped.  With each new bump in the road of my life, it’s become easier to learn through each trial instead of being bogged down to the point of mental exhaustion and anguish.

    *Here God, I give you my problems, while I step away from my emotional attachment to them.  I’ll stand here and wait while you work it out because I know you can.  Thanks, God.  Oh, and sorry for the times I thought I knew what you should do and got frustrated because it worked out differently.  It turned out better your way anyhow.  Silly me.  Awesome you.*

    Amen.

    31 Oct 2011, 8:27am
    Chronicles Of A Stay At Home Mom:
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  • What’s new

    Top of the list is: Handmade Goodness Giveaways Project! Please be sure to ENTER. Just click the link (when there is one) at the top of the most recent post! This project is in an effort to promote local and independent artists. Crafters, photographers, designers (of all types) -- man, woman or child all are welcome. Each giveaway will feature a different artist with a different talent, please join, if you will! Contact me: mommyhobbies [at] gmail [dot] com
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  • Chronicles: Getting Organized

    ::Don’t forget to ENTER the Handmade Goodness Giveaway for Tata, the Punk Monkey::

    Ok, so, I love making lists, I love taking my pencil and scratching through each item as I finish it, I love purging my children’s toys, clothes or other items, and I love finding totes and filling it with folded fabric, hats, scarves, gloves…whatever needs to find a home.

    Lately, I’ve been feeling that for all the cleaning I do.  It’s just is not enough.  Because, if one were to take a peek into my bathroom closet, or into any other number of closets in my house…they would see that my skills only go so far.

    I feel like I should be completely embarrassed, but I’m not.  My lack of skill is a sad fact.  I have small bins in there to hold extra soaps, lotions or other hygiene items, my towels are folded, cleaning supplies lined up, but it still looks like a mess!!  My sister sister informed me, in not so many words, that I needed “help”.  If I couldn’t see past the small amount of organization to a deeper level, I was missing something.  I tend to agree.

    Lately, I’ve found that I clean my house obsessively.  Like, you don’t even wanna know…I’m always running with a vacuuming, spritzing with cleaning spray, picking up toys, doing laundry, but it seems like I can’t keep my house clean enough. 

     

    Messes fiddle with my brain functions and my mood meter.  Anyone who has stayed with our family for any amount of time can tell you that my smile takes a dip if after a couple of hours the toys haven’t been picked up.  My kids have free reign of the house, they are allowed to turn the couch upside down, jump on the beds, take the covers off, build forts from the table and use the house as a war zone.  I don’t mind.  But, when all is said and done…that’s when I get very, very frustrated.  If they don’t pick up their “fun”, mommy goes into holygoodnessshebecrazy mode.  Once it’s clean, I’m nice again.  See, it’s magic.

    Clean house = happy mommy

    But I’m starting to think there is an underlying tone to my frustration.  I know that there are details I’m missing in order to make our house not just “clean”, but organized.  And that’s what I want.  So, I am writing about this in hopes that I’m not the only one ready for some change, some clean up, some rearranging, and purging of unnecessary  things.  Who’s with me?
    I’m going to give updates on my progress and tricks that I’ve learned to help streamline my house and life through just simply getting organized.  I’m pretty sure part of the streamlining process is going to include me learning how to look at my tasks one at a time and not the WHOLE picture.  It’s so overwhelming that I want to quit before I start.  Baby steps, *breathe* baby steps, *breathe*

    I’m so ready to do this.  Anyone out there been at this point before?  Where did you start and how did it work out?  Do share.

    This is me, being vulnerable.  Help!

    26 Oct 2011, 8:00am
    Chronicles Of A Stay At Home Mom
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  • What’s new

    Top of the list is: Handmade Goodness Giveaways Project! Please be sure to ENTER. Just click the link (when there is one) at the top of the most recent post! This project is in an effort to promote local and independent artists. Crafters, photographers, designers (of all types) -- man, woman or child all are welcome. Each giveaway will feature a different artist with a different talent, please join, if you will! Contact me: mommyhobbies [at] gmail [dot] com
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  • Chronicles: The digs

    A lot has happened over the past few weeks.  My mind felt like it was being ripped open by a category 4 hurricane.  Don’t you hate it when your thoughts consume you?  I know I do.  But somehow, I made it through some pretty rough patches.  There is nothing like knowing “everything is going to be alright” and truly believe it!  That’s how I feel right now.  I know, deep down inside, everything is going to be ok.

    The lesson I learned through the past few tests in my life was this: God answers our prayers through a process.  Now, if I take a moment to think about what the word “process” means, I can’t apply the words: quickly, with haste, soon, or instant.  Not at all, as a matter of fact, the word “process” is more closely associated with the words: lengthy, time consuming, waiting period, stages.

    Yeah, aaannnd they all boil down to having patience.  What is it with God and patience and me.  Uhg.

    Lately, it seems, every test that comes my way is much easier to handle.  Must be I’m actually learning something after all??  I’m digging deep and finding a stronger me, way down.  I like her.  The stronger me gently pats my shoulders and whispers inspiring words when people insist on seeing me as horrible, mean or nasty.  When they speak ill of me and treat me cruelly.  Inwardly, I can smile and nod to myself and say, “self, they have no idea, do they?”  It’s hard to accept, I think for anyone, that people choose how they want to see you!  They really, truly do.  Not sure why they want to see negative things, but they do.  And if they truly are good people as they tout themselves to be, why aren’t they trying to “help” people like myself, with these obviously horrible and caustic qualities?

    But going back to that feeling of calm and reassurance.  It’s within me and I choose to gravitate to that, no matter what.  Call me what you may, think of me how you wish, but truth is truth and it stands whether it happens to be twisted in your mind or not.  Because no matter how hard you try to turn that flower into a trash can, it ain’t gunna happen.  That’s the truth :)

    I love the feeling of slowly gaining momentum.   You know, that feeling of the wind in your hair, eyes shut, face to the sun, taking sharp turns faster than you should…then arriving at your destination, picnic basket in hand.  Yeah, that’s me.  I choose to dig deep, enjoy life and believe the positive because I know everything is going to be alright.  Ever heard the saying, “slow and steady wins the race.”?  Yep.  Gotta remember that one, too.

    12 Oct 2011, 8:30am
    Chronicles Of A Stay At Home Mom:
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  • What’s new

    Top of the list is: Handmade Goodness Giveaways Project! Please be sure to ENTER. Just click the link (when there is one) at the top of the most recent post! This project is in an effort to promote local and independent artists. Crafters, photographers, designers (of all types) -- man, woman or child all are welcome. Each giveaway will feature a different artist with a different talent, please join, if you will! Contact me: mommyhobbies [at] gmail [dot] com
  • In my napsack stash

  • Chronicles: Some things are more important

    For sure.

    The other day I was sifting through my list of favorite blogs, enjoying others’ photos, stories of their lives, advice, opinions…the whole gamete.   It’s fun.  A lot of the blogs I read inspire me in some way.  I have “blog heroes”.  The people I admire have wonderful talents and great things to share, they’re wholesome and I always leave their blogs pondering, smiling, laughing and, in general, feeling encouraged.  But some posts are so striking that I can’t stop thinking about them, which is why I wanted to share one of my newest blog heroes with you all:  Jenna from Sweetfineday.  She doesn’t even know me, but that’s ok, I just wanted to share what I read on her blog.  She’s working on a project called The Mixed Race Project.  I felt like crying, laughing and smiling all at the same time, because I saw my face in her pictures…I saw my babies’ faces in her pictures and then I felt such a deep sense of pride for every bit of color in my skin.  Being proud of who I am is fairly new to me.  But I have a wonderful, wonderful heritage that maybe it’s about time I share.

    My beautiful abuelita, in her passport photo to America from Cuba.  (I really need to learn how to scan, uhg!)

    And my very eclectic grandfather with one of his passions, horses.

    Her project inspired me to do a little digging into our family roots and soon I’ll have a post sharing those details with you all.  Sometimes, it’s important to know who you are, who your people are.  We all need that feeling of being connected, knowing that we “belong”, or “fit”.  It’s not always easy when you’re mixed because of the pull from both cultures, but at least you know what you’re made of.  There is a lot to be proud of running through my veins…

    I’m mixed.  And I don’t mind at all.

    3 Oct 2011, 12:36pm
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  • What’s new

    Top of the list is: Handmade Goodness Giveaways Project! Please be sure to ENTER. Just click the link (when there is one) at the top of the most recent post! This project is in an effort to promote local and independent artists. Crafters, photographers, designers (of all types) -- man, woman or child all are welcome. Each giveaway will feature a different artist with a different talent, please join, if you will! Contact me: mommyhobbies [at] gmail [dot] com
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  • Chronicles: Facing the music

    Enter the Handmade Goodness Giveaway!

    This is going to be a bit lengthy.  Bear with me to the end…if you dare, because my opinion, as usual, is glaring and poignant.

    The other day Cylas came home from school and didn’t kick the door.  The first sign something was wrong.

    He didn’t greet his papa or myself.  Second sign something was amiss.

    He didn’t say but two words and only spoke when spoken to. The BIGGEST sign of all that something was quite wrong.

    I followed him into his room and spoke to him softly, hoping he would let me know what was going on.  He crawled in my lap and started crying.  “Momma, I don’t wanna go back to school.”  Huh oh.

    “I don’t want to talk about it.  I don’t want to talk about it.”  At this point, my mind is skipping through a myriad of situations and hoping that it was one of the less serious ones…like, he did something wrong and doesn’t want to get in trouble.
    Bingo.

    He finally told me why.  He said that he was on the bus fighting with a kid about fighting.  *this part is a bit of mystery to me, but I’ll take it*  Finally, things got so heated that Cylas decided to crawl UNDER the seat, reach up the kid’s leg and scratch him!!?  Insanity.  Of course, Cylas is gulping and crying and just feeling so miserable because he knows what he did was wrong, and I’m over here imagining my child squirming around on a nasty bus floor scratching people’s legs like a rabid squirrel.  Get a hold of yourself, child!  Pretty much all I could do to not laugh.  I succeeded.  The truth came out and we discussed his actions.

    The next hour he moped around the house, crying and saying he didn’t want to go to school he didn’t want to be “the worst trouble kid in the whole world”.  Oh, my poor son.  I think he gave himself a beating, I didn’t have to do a thing.  D and I encouraged him to realize that going back to school was a must, and if he got into trouble he needed to admit, apologize and never do it again.

    “It’s called taking responsibility,” I said.  I’d already gotten a call from his teacher about Cy’s behavior.  She wasn’t too concerned, but she wanted me to be aware.  There were a couple instances where he pushed and scratched.  “But,” she said, “he is very good at taking responsibility for what he did.  Some kids do not.”  Good.  D and I are doing a good job so far.

    It made me think, though, about adults.  Wow.  And here is where you’re either going to NEVER read my blog again, or you’ll recognize people you know, or worse, yourself in what I’m about to write.
    *Here is where my opinion is about leap off the page, be forewarned.*

    Life throws us into a myriad of situations, some we like and others, well, best left forgotten.  But in each of those situations there is an unspoken rule: learn what you can, take into yourself the lesson presented so this path will never have to be crossed again.

    Part of following that “unspoken” rule is directly linked to two words — taking responsibility.

    I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older, or because the people in my life, now, are different, but I have found myself in the middle of particular situations that have tested me to the brink.  It’s been beautiful and hard all at the same time.  Beautiful, because I’ve seen what I’m made of…and hard, because I’ve seen what I’m made of.  Reality hurts in the most visceral of ways.

    Unfortunately these same situations have shown me what other people are made of.  Scary stuff.  Denial is a disease.  I firmly believe that.  It’s also a culture that some families develop to help them cope with members in their family who hurt, abuse, or misuse the family bond.  Then, there are the people who hurt others and deny their actions.  Or, they use the age old sluff off , “well, that’s just your opinion”.  What a cop out!  Seriously?  You’re excusing your bad behavior, misconduct, rude ways, or nasty thoughts and actions with telling me that it’s simply “my opinion” of the situation??  Hah.  Life is cruel in more ways than one, not only does that excuse not cover their actions, it simply shows the harsh truth — they. are. ignorant.
    Sorry, if this post is a little strong, but somehow, I feel it’s time to speak my mind on this.  I have been silent for mistreatment and taken the beatings of cruel words and malintent.  And then, for all intents and purposes been told it was my fault.  Hmm, not saying that I’m blameless at all, but seriously…

    It’s time to take responsibility.  It’s time to take a look inside and pull from a place so deep to say, “yes, it hurts, it’s scary, but I need to own my actions and make these situations right.”
    So, my dear, sweet, Cylas, even though you’re scared and would rather not get into trouble, mama is encouraging you to stand strong and admit what you did was wrong.  Life will be so much easier, if you do.

    29 Sep 2011, 8:30am
    Chronicles Of A Stay At Home Mom life:
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    5 comments

  • What’s new

    Top of the list is: Handmade Goodness Giveaways Project! Please be sure to ENTER. Just click the link (when there is one) at the top of the most recent post! This project is in an effort to promote local and independent artists. Crafters, photographers, designers (of all types) -- man, woman or child all are welcome. Each giveaway will feature a different artist with a different talent, please join, if you will! Contact me: mommyhobbies [at] gmail [dot] com
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  • Chronicles: Stop complaining

    *Very opinionated piece.  You’ve been warned*

    My mom had that on repeat in our house…only it wasn’t a recording.  It was her.  She would remind us ALL the time to “stop complaining”!  As I got older, I tried to figure out what “complaining” really was.  For me, complaining was whining about something you didn’t want to do.  Simple.

    It’s hard to distinguish between, “making a comment” about something and “complaining”.  Then, it became VERY clear what the difference was.

    Complaining is saying the truth, but negatively.  Being negative.  Bottom line.  That’s what complaining is.  It’s also speaking your opinion about something when it would be wiser not to mention anything at all.  AAHhggg.  So hard.  I promise.  If there is anyone in this world with an opinion on just about Ev.Er.Y.thing, it’s me.   Thankfully, time and age has been kind, and slowly I’ve learned that stating my opinion isn’t necessary all the time.  How many arguments I’ve side stepped because I kept that “piece of my mind” thought to myself.
    There is a certain beauty in keeping your mind in YOUR head, and not in someone’s face.   Truth.  Recently had someone try to get a response from me on an “issue” and I chose not to respond.  Why?  Waste. of. time.  Seriously.  Definitely not a battle I wanted to engage in at all.  And you know what?  I felt SOooo much better about myself and the situation in general.  I kept my wits about me and was able to think from a logical perspective instead of a reactionary one.

    Bringing it back around to complaining.  Same concept applies.  Yes, it might not be comfortable to have a schedule change, or a new manager, or to pick up after your kids againandagainandagainnnn, but move on!  Seriously.  Don’t sit around making snarky comments or mumbling and making vague references to issues or people or situations.  Goodness.   How unpleasant.  Save that for you, your mirror and a place far, far away from others.  Once you’ve expressed your negativity, recoup and move on.  Smile.  Goodness knows that your face and mind need a break from the gushy garbage fest it just endured.

    Before you start saying, “oh, what does she know..” and whatnot, let me put your mind at ease.  I have my bad days, too.  Some days it’s all I can do to keep myself together, because if I step or trip on one more toy there will be more than just a door and a window gracing the front of our house.  There will be a huge VENT hole.  Running through walls has been a reactionary dream of mine for quite some time.  Just barging through and ripping out all the drywall like I’m The Thing or something.  How satisfying would that be??  Awesome.

    Complaints are like little bitter seeds that fall off the tongue, peppering the ground and atmosphere with a slightly stenchy smell.  Oh, that my words, sounds and thoughts would be pleasing and acceptable to Him.

    Amen.

     

     

    14 Mar 2011, 1:34pm
    Chronicles Of A Stay At Home Mom
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  • What’s new

    Top of the list is: Handmade Goodness Giveaways Project! Please be sure to ENTER. Just click the link (when there is one) at the top of the most recent post! This project is in an effort to promote local and independent artists. Crafters, photographers, designers (of all types) -- man, woman or child all are welcome. Each giveaway will feature a different artist with a different talent, please join, if you will! Contact me: mommyhobbies [at] gmail [dot] com
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  • Family Ties That Blind

    **Fair warning, opinionated post**

    Yes, blind.  It’s not an uncommon occurrence and it happens more often than it should.  It seems that when there is a blood tie there is this special pass given out for making horrible mistakes or decisions and there is no worry of having to be held accountable.  Can I say the “H” word, please?  Pleeeease?

    Ok, I won’t say it, I’ll just spell it out.  I H.A.T.E that.  (there are certain things that are ok to hate, I promise, and this is one of them)

    My family will tell you, my sisters, mom and brother, that I don’t give out those “passes” in my family, not for them, not for my own children.  What an unfortunate example of enabling.  How is the individual ever to learn proper behavior, respect, responsibility if they’re always given a way out of their messes.  Denial is not your friend.  It’s your enemy and the sneakiest of rascals.  It will creep in and before you know it will have wound its slimy little tentacles around your eyes — blinding you.  It’s a horrible, horrible thing to be an accomplice to someone’s stupidity and stand proudly by their side.  No one is capable of making the right decision all the time, but you could make BETTER ones.

    Please, stop allowing your blood ties to blind.  It just makes you a sucker.  And please, if you’re in a situation and people are trying to tell you you’re giving out that “pass” — LISTEN!!  It’s ok to be wrong.  Just stop.  That person is probably killing you and you don’t even know it.  They for sure don’t respect you because you let what they do slide by, time and time again.  They know they have a shmuck in you.  *sung to the “You have a Friend in Me” tune*

    Gracious.  I haven’t written in like a month and this is what I decide to post.  It’s been burning in my mind for quite some time.  Ahh, I love getting things like that off my chest.

    12 Feb 2011, 3:31am
    Chronicles Of A Stay At Home Mom
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  • What’s new

    Top of the list is: Handmade Goodness Giveaways Project! Please be sure to ENTER. Just click the link (when there is one) at the top of the most recent post! This project is in an effort to promote local and independent artists. Crafters, photographers, designers (of all types) -- man, woman or child all are welcome. Each giveaway will feature a different artist with a different talent, please join, if you will! Contact me: mommyhobbies [at] gmail [dot] com
  • In my napsack stash

  • Chronicles: The "What now?" point

     (Cylas accidentally getting a knee in the chin. POW!)

    I’m thinking of a bunch of cords, buried deep, and all attached to issues — issues in my life that I need to either have closure in or resolve.  Somehow, life has a way of yankin’ my stinkin’ chain and unearthing these suckers.  One by one and, sometimes, some by some they wiggle to the surface and I have to face them!  But, “WHAT NOW”!!?
    I can tell you that I’ve gotten really good at this.  I’m so used to junk surfacing that I’m not even surprised anymore.  Hah.  Now, I just sit and wait.  Sometimes it will be two months, three months or even longer, but it’s inevitable.
    Recently, little “issues” have surfaced leaving me to either try and bury them again or just take it head on!  Head on.  I am not the same person I was when I moved here two and a half years ago.  Head. on. baby.  So, I take my idiosyncrasies and use them to better myself.  But this stuff hurts.  Sometimes it makes me feel like a failure, seeing these things in me.  Having parts of me that are broken, underdeveloped or even battered, hurt…bad.  Like a knee in the chin.

    For some reason, though, I’m totally ok with this process.  Some of the best, and healing, conversations have taken place during these moments of reveal.  As a result, I am one determined mama, wife and friend.  Promises have been made and I won’t let myself down.  I am beyond grateful for the moments of “reveal”.  There is no fear in me and I embrace the little earthquakes that shake me and cause my inner cords to come to light.
    And thank God I have Him to help me conquer.
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